[ Children pass through group homes like ducks through water and Ai would be a liar (well, even more of a liar than usual) if she tried to say she remembered very many of them. A particular name or two might stick in her head or she might remember a funny story of some nonsense or other, but she can't actually put any people to any of it. She remembers a few of them, though – presences frictive or persistent enough that they manage to stick with her even after everything else washes out.
Kotone is one of them. She isn't someone Ai spends much time thinking about when she's busy with work but on the occasions her mind creeps back to the group home, it's Kotone's face that pops up in her mind. Maybe that's why, when Kotone gets in touch, Ai passes the demo along to Saitou along with a few other choice words and some very convincing puppy dog eyes. She tells herself it's an investment – something about feathering her nest, paying back some luck to the place she came from. But if she's frank, even Ai isn't quite sure what had spurred it on. Maybe it's guilt – knowing that she'd gotten away and that maybe Kotone hadn't.
It's strangely easy to adjust to having the girl back in her life, even though it's so different from the other girls in B-Komachi. Or maybe because it's so different – with Kotone, there's none of the quiet resentment, simmering bitterness and resignation. They aren't relying on each other for anything, really, so there's no expectations. It makes things refreshingly simple... is what Ai continues to tell herself, anyway.
It's not until the twins come around that she really feels something shift. The days following the birth had been a haze of exhaustion, discomfort edging on pain and delirious, overwhelming joy – and Kotone, hovering at her side even when Saitou wasn't. Ai decides that she'd insisted on having Kotone stay at the apartment had been because she wasn't thinking straight and any well-reasoned and well-articulated arguments about the matter had been because her brain was soup and her opinions could obviously not be trusted.
But Kotone's here now. And... having Kotone here has been nice. So maybe, god forbid, strung-out-on-painkillers-and-baby-brain-chemicals Ai had been on to something. ]
It's a little late to ask that now, isn't it? [ She says it playfully enough and without any bite – though that's par for the course when she's balancing one of the kids on her lap. For all that Saitou and Miyako had been grinding their teeth in worry about her not knowing what to do when the kids were actually here, she's at least snapped onto comfortably bottle feeding like a pro. ] But... the doctor asked me the same thing.
[ Not exactly. Not in as many words – but she'd seen it all over his face and she'd known what answer to give then as well. ]
It wasn't until we first went to the hospital, really. I hadn't had any kind of examination before then so I had no clue what was going on. But as soon as he said 'twins' and I started to think about it... everything just sort of clicked into place.
[ Aqua lets out a fussy noise of complaint and Ai scoops him up to cuddle him properly, head resting on her shoulder so she can ruffle his hair. ]
I just had this thought of... I'd never had anybody I could call family before. And now all of a sudden, I might have two. How lucky is that?
[ she's told herself that her sticking so close isn't really... about ai. that she knows what losing parents—loving parents, the kind of parent ai clearly wants to be—does to a kid. and even with all of the blowback he might face, the eyes on him now, it terrifies her to think they might not be done with the twins' father. there's an obvious nightmare scenario that she can't be sure they've avoided.
kotone knows that in the worst case, a kid's clearest memory of their mother can be their very last. what haunts them when they close their eyes. but even then, that doesn't account for even half of what she's done up to now, does it? kotone watches aqua as he settles into place, resisting the impulse to reach out to the baby as well. ]
Hey, I'm just curious! [ she huffs a quiet laugh, not exactly a mirthful one, but honest. ] And... dunno, guess I thought I'd have been overstepping, before. [ but she listens, as ai explains her motivation. it... makes a lot of sense, really. some part of kotone—a small part—wants to ask the obvious question: "what about us?"
she quashes the thought as soon as it comes. whatever ai is to her, again—family isn't right. and since when the hell did she think of herself, saitou and miyako as an us, in any sense of the word? at all? ]
Really lucky. Even if... y'know. The circumstances. [ she closes her notebook, opening her schoolbag by the couch and slipping it back inside. ]
What are you feeling like for dinner? I don't mind cooking, if we've got the stuff.
Hmm, I'd say the circumstances are why it's lucky. Wouldn't you?
[ She gives Kotone a little grin – it's a particular flavor of playfulness that she reserves exclusively for her, Saitou and Miyako, an I know something you don't brand of infuriating mischief. It would somehow be less annoying if it actually made it all the way to smugness, but never quite gets there. ]
I mean... what was it I said to the doctor back then... [ With Aqua carefully balanced on her shoulder, Ai rises from the couch and drifts over to Kotone's side. ] Usually, people have to pick between being happy as an idol or as a mother. But this way, I get to have both at the same time.
[ So long as things work out. But with Kotone, Saitou and Miyako helping to pick up Ai's inevitable slack, she thinks they just might. ]
You really don't mind cooking after school? It feels a little mean to make you pull personal chef duties once you're home.
[ god, that kind of grin is all too familiar. it's not far off from one of kotone's own moves. she scoffs a little, rolling her eyes and not bothering to hide her own smaller smile as she turns towards the fridge. she wants to push back a little, to say that isn't the part she meant, but... either ai understood what kotone was saying and glossed past it, or she's less concerned about it right now. either way, there's no sense in bringing things down by focusing on it. on the eyes she sees too much of in the baby in ai's arms. so instead, she undoes and reties her ponytail, a nervous and steadying motion. ]
It's fiiiine, it's fine! I did a bunch of meal prep stuff on Sunday, you just didn't notice 'cause you'd still burn it. [ it comes out harmlessly, sounding a little amused, but kotone's not quite looking at her. conveniently, she can focus her attention on the contents of the fridge instead. ] There's some chicken marinating...? Breasts and thighs, looks like. I know you don't really like donburi, so... karaage sound good?
I'd burn it, huh? I'm still that bad? [ In a put on, deliberately petulant whine: ] Aquaaaa, Kotone's being mean...
[ 'Abuh' agrees Aqua, from his seat on Ai's shoulder. Ai makes her way over so she can peer in herself – it's strange seeing her own fridge filled with so much real food when she's used to seeing leftovers, ready meals and ice cream and she still hasn't quite managed to shake the feeling that she's looking into someone else's kitchen. In a way, she is – they might live here together, but the kitchen is definitely more Kotone's domain than it is Ai's. ]
Karaage sounds good, though... it's supposed to be good for giving you some energy at the end of the day, right? [ she has no idea if that's actually true, but she sure said it in some advertisement or other once ] Maybe some salad for a side dish? I don't even know what veggies we have, but...
[ she draws back from the fridge in mock-offense, one hand to her chest even with the container of chicken in the other. ]
No faiiiir teaming up with the twins, you're the one with their food... poor Kotone can't compete against their mama, you know? [ kotone cracks up a little, though, nodding. ]
Yeah, protein's good for that. And... I think we can make a salad work, sure? Lessee... [ she glances into the door of the fridge and pulls a couple of bottles and a carton of eggs from the main shelves, crouching to examine the crisper drawer. ] Daikon, shiso, mustard greens, lemon... I bought some umeboshi last week, where'd that go...? Oh, there we go, luckyyyy!
[ more humming, bopping a little on her feet as she heads back over to the counter. she pulls her phone, tapping a few times before city pop starts humming from a speaker set out of the way. as much as ai might feel strange about this being less her domain, having this feeling of—contribution, she guesses? to what ai's trying to build here does wonders to keep her mind off of the greater worries at play. if only for a little while, anyway. she washes her hands, pulls an apron from the hook, and sets to work, buzzing here and there in the kitchen for flour, breadcrumbs, knives, two separate cutting boards, bowls, a whisk, the mandolin, oil, the dutch oven, paper towels, a cooling rack— ]
It'll be about half an hour? You're not in the way, if you wanna hang out in here. Who knows, might learn something, right? [ a wink and a grin ai's way, rocking on her heels before she turns and starts chopping. ]
[ Ai goes quiet for a moment as she watches Kotone bob around, busy and happy in the kitchen in a way Ai's never been. Actually cooking and not just heating something up has always been a stressful experience for her at the best of times and she's come to associate the kitchen as a whole with that particular brand of stress. But seeing Kotone in here, working away so busily and happily makes it seem a little warmer somehow. She'd never see herself in here, but seeing Kotone make the place her own...
It's nice, somehow. ]
You've sure got a lot of faith in me. I learn quick, but even I'm not that good. [ especially not when it comes to the kitchen...
She does give Aqua a little smile though and bounces him on her shoulder. ] You hear that, Aqua? We're gonna get an up close and personal demonstration from Chef Kotone. [ Then suddenly, she grins. ] No, even better–
[ She looks around for a moment – you just know Ai has no idea where any of the utensils in this kitchen usually are – before snatching up a spare whisk and holding it up so she can speak into it like a microphone. ]
This is Ai from B-Komachi and her trusty boy genius companion Hoshino Aqua here live with world famous gourmet chef, Shiomi Kotone! Any words for the audience watching along at home, Shiomi-san?
[ She directs the 'microphone' over to Kotone, with her eyes sparkling. Play with her in this space!! ]
[ the salad's coming along nicely—thin sticks of daikon soak in a bowl of water to take the bitterness off, while the chicken's in bite-size pieces, ready for breading, and the oil is heating up—
and then ai does that. it's a commitment to the bit that kotone honestly isn't expecting, especially in ai's "off" hours, and she can't help but burst out laughing—genuinely for once—doubling over slightly and raising a hand in front of her mouth. ]
Sorry, sorry, just—okay. I'm good, I'm good— [ she takes a second to get it out of her system, those bright red eyes shining as she takes a deep breath. ] Hiii, good morning, everyone at home, today we'll be showing you how to make karaage! Our side dish is a simple izakaya-style daikon salad with an ume-ponzu dressing...
[ she gestures to each area of her work in turn as she speaks. ]
Now, I've got a little homemade yuzupon I'll be using in our dressing this time, but bottled ponzu is suuuper okay for this too! Since we'll be adding to it anyway... ah, but we can't do much with the salad right now until our veggies are done soaking, so why don't we focus on the chicken, huh?
[ Success. Kotone's one of her favourite people to prod and poke in the manner of a little kid pulling pigtails in grade school, but it's not that often she gets a full on laugh out of her. The wattage of her grin only goes up once Kotone actually goes and joins in and Ai realizes she's got a full on running bit on her hands. Practicing being able to establish this kind of rapport is important to keep up even in her off time and it's certainly not because she wants to get another laugh like that out of Kotone.
Of course not. ]
I see, I see! So Shiomi-san's a natural on the camera as well as in the kitchen! Very impressive! What's your thoughts, boy genius companion?
[ Aqua burbles something definitely comprehendible into the microphone and Ai takes over with enthusiasm. ]
Excellent question! What will we be doing with the chicken?
[ oh, she could get used to seeing ai smile like that—wait, where the hell did that come from? kotone's eyes stay on ai's face just a second too long, as she clears her throat. ]
Wellll, since Aqua-kun asked. We'll be breading and frying it! We have vegetable oil going in our dutch oven there— [ a gesture to the stove— ] and getting them ready is sooo simple. We've got our marinated chunks of chicken, and we're gonna... dredge em in flour, [ she demonstrates with one piece as she goes, ] dip 'em in our egg wash, [ and again, ] and finally, cover 'em in breadcrumbs. You can season these however you want, too. [ aaaand there's one piece of chicken ready to fry! she repeats the process until the whole container's prepped, then dips a chopstick in the oil, humming and nodding at the bubbles that come up around it. ]
So we'll get these in the oil—Ai, step back, seriously— [ the oil doesn't spatter much at all when the food starts going in, mercifully, but still. the bit slips for a second all the same. ] and once they're golden-brown, they're ready! We'll do them in batches, about 90 seconds each time, then get them out with our skimmer and let them cool on this wire rack... [ she glances at the timer for the daikon and shuts it off with a few seconds to spare, pouring the water out of the bowl before she turns her attention back to the chicken. ]
[ You'd think that having Aqua in her arms would anchor her a little, but Ai flits about the kitchen so lightly and gracefully you could forget she's buoyed down by gravity. Some of it just comes with being an idol, of course – when she's flipped the switch in her brain that puts her in B-Komachi Mode, it almost seems like nothing's impossible for her. But most of it seems to come from something a little simpler – the enjoyment of bobbing around the kitchen while Kotone's in her element, with Aqua chattering away along with the both of them.
It's... fun. Not the sort of fun she thought she'd be having after the twins were born. But still. ]
A well-oiled machine! [ She nods enthusiastically in approval, then– ] Right, Aqua? Isn't Shiomi-san suuuuuper impressive?
[ She nods a few more times, enough for Aqua to get the picture and nod along with her. That's her boy genius. ]
There you have it! There's no arguing with our boy genius companion, huh? Would you say this is a recipe simple enough for everyone at home to follow along with?
[ kotone can't quite shake the smile on her face. she's always been—basically immune to ai in her idol mode, she thinks. she knows ai too well to be fully taken in by it. it's not a matter of ai being a liar, it's just the nature of selling a persona like that. (ai would probably laugh if she saw the flawless, excitable overachiever image that kotone presents at school, really.)
but this is different. it's using the idol mode as a way to... layer what they're doing, to enhance the simple fun of all of this. it's almost easy to forget the weight of the outside world, for a moment. she huffs another laugh, eyes bright as she watches ai and aqua before looking back to her work. ]
Aww, Ai-san, you're both too kind! Especially youuu, Aqua-kun. [ still smiling. god damn it. ] And mmhmm, I think so! At least, it'll carry you through frying something... [ and hey, frying is intimidating to do. kotone rocks on her heels, starting to pull golden, still-dripping karaage out with the skimmer and set it aside on the rack to cool and dry. the process doesn't take long at all, with how quickly the oil cooks them through. she turns off the stove and shifts the pot to a cooler eye. ]
Aaaand that's our karaage. Now... [ she takes a breath, heading back to the cutting boards. ] Here's the easy part? Our daikon's ready, and we've got these shiso and mizuna... so we'll just prep our greens like this... [ five cm lengths of mizuna, chiffonading the shiso, and adding them to the bowl with the daikon. ] Aaaand we'll cut the seed out of this umeboshi, then mince it up and mix it into our yuzupon for a dressing. And we're done! [ kotone grins, turning to look at ai properly as she starts moving things to the sink. ]
I still think frying is a little too much for me... but I could easily manage a salad! In fact, you've made this whole thing seem so easy that even Aqua could manage it!
[ which says a whole lot more about her cooking than it does anything else.
Some of the sparkle fades – or rather, her radiance dims back to its usual levels and she settles Aqua back onto her shoulder more comfortably. She'd been dialling it up before and making a whole production of it but now with all that dazzling light dimmed, her smile takes on a more honest shape. ]
It really does look super good, you know. And it smells even better! You wouldn't think something that's just chicken and a couple things on top would be so tasty, huh?
[ She titters to herself and starts making her way back over to the living room. ]
You can go ahead and eat first if you want! Now Aqua's had some food, it's time for him to go down and take a little nap with Ruby too.
[ kotone can't help but mirror that smile. just like she can't help but watch ai walk away, as the atmosphere settles back down to normal. just like she can't help but think she's even prettier when it's real.
oh, fuck.
no. no, no, this is a problem, right? kotone wants to push back a little, to say no, i'll wait, get him set down, it's okay, but what would her reason for that be? what good would that do her? she wants to eat dinner together with her, but suddenly, she doesn't trust her motivations. she catches herself staring downwards with her back towards ai, hands splayed on the counter next to the sink.
what would saitou and miyako say? what would ai say? she's never made a secret of her preferences, really, but a weight settles in her stomach. that can't be what she's feeling. better to strangle that emotion before it poisons everything around her. finally, she realizes she's been quiet far too long. the cheer in her voice is brittle, now, when she finally speaks, and she turns on the faucet just a little too hard as she starts to busy herself. ]
No, uh—it's okay, really! I'll handle some of the dishes and set the table. If he's not asleep in about ten minutes, I'll go ahead and start eating, okay?
[ It's Kotone's voice rather than her silence that makes Ai pause at the threshold of the living room and glance back at her. It'd been bright and buoyant a moment ago but something about it has changed and she doesn't quite know what. In a lot of ways, Kotone's a little like her - her smiles and cheer all mean different things sometimes and Ai's never one hundred percent sure she knows exactly what. Her lips part like she might ask something — but then Aqua's fingers curl into her hair and tug politely in the way they do when he wants attention and accordingly, all Ai's focus goes to him. ]
Ooh, am I keeping my boy genius awake? My bad, my bad...
[ She carries him through and settles him into the crib beside Ruby, still dozing away after her own feed. It takes a few minutes of soothing for him to finally sleep himself and while he does, she lets herself mull things over. Coming home from school and looking after Ai and the twins must be tiring, right? Maybe she's taking it for granted — or worse, she's taking Kotone herself for granted. How does she fix that?
Once both the twins are off to sleep, Ai drifts back to the kitchen, hitching her usual smile back on as best she can. ]
Alright, they're both recharging...! I didn't keep you hanging on, did I?
[ she can't quite bring herself to look directly at ai, before she leaves the room. even so, she catches the apparent pause. the moment where she seems to debate saying something. mercifully, aqua saves her the mortification.
everything's plated on the kitchen's bar, two places set next to one another. chicken, salad, tea, utensils, and glasses of ice water. kotone takes a breath, looking up and doing her best to mirror ai's efforts at a smile... then after a beat, lets it drop. what's the point in the mask, right now? ]
No, no, you're just in time. C'mere. [ she gestures to the seat next to her, offering a very slight smile. she is glad to see her, glad to get to share this moment with her. there's no hiding that. ]
[ Everything's laid out so nicely and Ai once again feels that twinge in her chest — that Kotone comes home and does all this work for her and the twins even after working hard at school all day. She wonders if there's other things she'd rather be doing with her free time, if she'd rather be at school doing clubs and whatever else makes high school such a rose tinted time of people's lives. Kotone's here because she chose to be, right? That's what Ai would like to think. But she can't help but worry sometimes if it's harder on her than it needs to be.
But of course, she's smiling away as she takes her seat next to Kotone, like the concern hadn't passed through her mind at all. ]
Ooh, the way you laid it all out, it looks even tastier than it already smelled. I know music's your thing but if you ever decided you wanted to run a restaurant, I bet you'd seriously kill it!
[ She gives Kotone a wink — because she really cannot turn that kind of thing off even if she tries — and plucks her chopsticks from beside her plate. ]
... Thanks, though. Seriously. I know you said you did a bunch of prep at the weekend, but it must be a pain that I can't do this kind of thing when you're at school.
[ she's had a chance to take a breath by the time ai comes back in. the smile she offers in return is a little dulled compared to usual, but... genuine. warm. kotone bumps her shoulder against ai's, laughing quietly at the compliment as she takes up her own chopsticks.
she picks up a piece of chicken, trying it with a pleased hum, before dipping it in the sauce on her plate and finishing it with another bite. ]
It's really okay. I'd be doing this even if I was living alone, I think? And I know you're crazy busy as it is, so... I dunno. [ a breath, avoiding eye contact as she focuses on her food. yeah, there's her excuse. a sip of tea, a bite of salad, as she considers. ] I just wanna be here for you, Ai. We've... both dealt with a lot, so...
[ none of what she's saying is quite right. it's not quite enough. but it's not a lie, either. ]
[ It's easier to talk when they're not looking each other in the face, which probably says something about Ai that she's not quite ready to try and untangle just yet. She's got her focus all on her food to start with but then her gaze strays back up to Kotone's face — relieved and a little guilty for feeling so that she doesn't end up meeting Kotone's eyes when she does.
Was she always this bad at talking with Kotone face to face back when they were young? There's no way, right? So what changed?
She swallows and makes herself go back to her food before she speaks. ]
Then it should go both ways, shouldn't it? If we've both dealt with a lot, then we should be looking out for each other.
[ Ah. That sounded a bit too heavy, so she makes herself laugh, like she can trick the mood into being lighter by pretending it already is. ]
Maybe I'll start taking cooking lessons! Then I can cook you up a whole gourmet meal whenever you get home.
[ self-loathing roils in her chest as ai says that. it's a familiar feeling, but one that hollows her out and chills her to her core.
kotone swallows, still looking at nothing in particular. she manages to keep using her chopsticks, but her free hand grips a handful of her own skirt as she lowers her head. ai's gone far enough for her already, further than she ever could have asked for. a breath, and the mask is back on. ]
Come on, you have enough to worry about, right? [it sounds nice.] It's really okay. I'm not really in the industry for real yet, [but i'm nobody.] and if I'm not keeping busy, I don't know what to do with myself, haha! [i have to show you that i can do this. i can't let saitou regret it. i can't let you regret it.
the mask cracks, and kotone takes a deep, shaky breath. she's never been able to fool ai, even if they can't always read each other in the details. but she has to try anyway. even if she's just clinging to the last scraps.
it had been a nice evening, and she's ruined it, hasn't she? stupid, stupid— ]
So, just... leave it to me, okay? [please don't make me a burden.]
[ Ai's no good at reading people. She never has been and she never will be, no matter how hard she tries. She's made her peace with faking it until she makes it, even if making it is pretty far out of her reach. But with Kotone... maybe it's just because they've known each other so long or because they're around each other all the time. Maybe it's because Kotone goes bright and loud and then dull and quiet in all the same rhythms that Ai herself does and she knows what those moments of quiet mean for herself.
Maybe Kotone's different, sure. Maybe Ai's got it all wrong. But she doesn't feel great banking on a maybe. ]
Kotone-chan.
[ Ai sets down her chopsticks and turns in her seat. Her voice is firmer and lower than it usually is; not lacking warmth at all but no-nonsense. ]
[ there's a moment, however brief, where the change in ai's tone makes kotone tense up even further. she'd assumed they were past the old girlhood honorifics, but—no. no, that isn't the point. there's an effort here to reach out. she's not blind to it. kotone closes her eyes and forces her hands to relax, before drawing a deep breath, holding it for a beat, then letting go. she repeats that once, twice.
finally, she nods, placing her own chopsticks down, turning in her seat to face the girl next to her. ]
... Seems so, yeah...? [ despite the mood, and the strain in her voice, her own stupid line has her cracking up ever so slightly as she says it. it's hard to stay entirely caught in her own head, when ai's trying to connect with her. ]
[ One corner of her mouth tugs up but she can't even manage a half-hearted laugh when Kotone sounds so strained.
Her hands curl into fists. She feels like she should reach out and take Kotone's hand or something like that but would that be a bit much? Would she be keeping her trapped in a conversation she doesn't want to be having?
After a moment of clear hesitation, she reaches out and carefully sets a hand on Kotone's knee. ]
You know I'm really glad to have you here, right? With me and Aqua and Ruby. It'd be way too lonely without you living here too.
[ the hesitation doesn't make her doubt ai. far from it. she knows all too well that the truth is hard, and finding the right way to say it is even harder. kotone's eyes widen ever so slightly at the contact, and she finds herself leaning closer towards ai. ]
Ai... [ she tries to find the right words. tries to dig deep for how to handle this. ] ... I'm... really glad to be here, too. Believe it or not, I don't think I've ever been this happy? I just... I mean, you remember how it was. You and the others aren't like that, but... [don't make too many waves. give them a reason to want you around. the things you learn to survive stick with you. she weaves a hand back through her own hair, trying to dispel her nerves, before meeting ai's gaze again.
only one way through this, she thinks. her own hand settles on ai's knee in return, and she goes silent for a moment, staying close.
her voice is quiet, when she speaks again. just for the two of them. like breaking this silence feels somehow wrong. ]
... Hey, Ai. Since it's just us... can I try something? [ she catches her eyes flicking down towards ai's lips. it doesn't have to mean anything. if it isn't good, for whatever reason, then they can pretend what comes next never happened. ]
[ Ai's heart stumbles. Her lips part like she means to say something but for the first time in a long while, she can't figure out which words would work best. She's usually so much better at whipping up just the right sort of thing to say or do to smooth over a situation but right now, she's coming up blank - but of course she would. Ai's a liar and Kotone's pouring out her heart so honestly.
Her chest constricts a little. For a horrible, ugly moment she feels just a little jealous. Even at a time like this, she can't ever really be honest like that. Even now, when Ai had been the one to try and push this talk, she's still thinking of what pretty lies she can tell to make it all go away.
She swallows hard and chases that bitterness back down into her stomach. No. It's not Kotone's fault she's like this. ]
Mm. [ She says that with a little nod. She doesn't really trust her voice right now. ] You can. ... Since it's just us.
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Kotone is one of them. She isn't someone Ai spends much time thinking about when she's busy with work but on the occasions her mind creeps back to the group home, it's Kotone's face that pops up in her mind. Maybe that's why, when Kotone gets in touch, Ai passes the demo along to Saitou along with a few other choice words and some very convincing puppy dog eyes. She tells herself it's an investment – something about feathering her nest, paying back some luck to the place she came from. But if she's frank, even Ai isn't quite sure what had spurred it on. Maybe it's guilt – knowing that she'd gotten away and that maybe Kotone hadn't.
It's strangely easy to adjust to having the girl back in her life, even though it's so different from the other girls in B-Komachi. Or maybe because it's so different – with Kotone, there's none of the quiet resentment, simmering bitterness and resignation. They aren't relying on each other for anything, really, so there's no expectations. It makes things refreshingly simple... is what Ai continues to tell herself, anyway.
It's not until the twins come around that she really feels something shift. The days following the birth had been a haze of exhaustion, discomfort edging on pain and delirious, overwhelming joy – and Kotone, hovering at her side even when Saitou wasn't. Ai decides that she'd insisted on having Kotone stay at the apartment had been because she wasn't thinking straight and any well-reasoned and well-articulated arguments about the matter had been because her brain was soup and her opinions could obviously not be trusted.
But Kotone's here now. And... having Kotone here has been nice. So maybe, god forbid, strung-out-on-painkillers-and-baby-brain-chemicals Ai had been on to something. ]
It's a little late to ask that now, isn't it? [ She says it playfully enough and without any bite – though that's par for the course when she's balancing one of the kids on her lap. For all that Saitou and Miyako had been grinding their teeth in worry about her not knowing what to do when the kids were actually here, she's at least snapped onto comfortably bottle feeding like a pro. ] But... the doctor asked me the same thing.
[ Not exactly. Not in as many words – but she'd seen it all over his face and she'd known what answer to give then as well. ]
It wasn't until we first went to the hospital, really. I hadn't had any kind of examination before then so I had no clue what was going on. But as soon as he said 'twins' and I started to think about it... everything just sort of clicked into place.
[ Aqua lets out a fussy noise of complaint and Ai scoops him up to cuddle him properly, head resting on her shoulder so she can ruffle his hair. ]
I just had this thought of... I'd never had anybody I could call family before. And now all of a sudden, I might have two. How lucky is that?
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kotone knows that in the worst case, a kid's clearest memory of their mother can be their very last. what haunts them when they close their eyes. but even then, that doesn't account for even half of what she's done up to now, does it? kotone watches aqua as he settles into place, resisting the impulse to reach out to the baby as well. ]
Hey, I'm just curious! [ she huffs a quiet laugh, not exactly a mirthful one, but honest. ] And... dunno, guess I thought I'd have been overstepping, before. [ but she listens, as ai explains her motivation. it... makes a lot of sense, really. some part of kotone—a small part—wants to ask the obvious question: "what about us?"
she quashes the thought as soon as it comes. whatever ai is to her, again—family isn't right. and since when the hell did she think of herself, saitou and miyako as an us, in any sense of the word? at all? ]
Really lucky. Even if... y'know. The circumstances. [ she closes her notebook, opening her schoolbag by the couch and slipping it back inside. ]
What are you feeling like for dinner? I don't mind cooking, if we've got the stuff.
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[ She gives Kotone a little grin – it's a particular flavor of playfulness that she reserves exclusively for her, Saitou and Miyako, an I know something you don't brand of infuriating mischief. It would somehow be less annoying if it actually made it all the way to smugness, but never quite gets there. ]
I mean... what was it I said to the doctor back then... [ With Aqua carefully balanced on her shoulder, Ai rises from the couch and drifts over to Kotone's side. ] Usually, people have to pick between being happy as an idol or as a mother. But this way, I get to have both at the same time.
[ So long as things work out. But with Kotone, Saitou and Miyako helping to pick up Ai's inevitable slack, she thinks they just might. ]
You really don't mind cooking after school? It feels a little mean to make you pull personal chef duties once you're home.
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It's fiiiine, it's fine! I did a bunch of meal prep stuff on Sunday, you just didn't notice 'cause you'd still burn it. [ it comes out harmlessly, sounding a little amused, but kotone's not quite looking at her. conveniently, she can focus her attention on the contents of the fridge instead. ] There's some chicken marinating...? Breasts and thighs, looks like. I know you don't really like donburi, so... karaage sound good?
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[ 'Abuh' agrees Aqua, from his seat on Ai's shoulder. Ai makes her way over so she can peer in herself – it's strange seeing her own fridge filled with so much real food when she's used to seeing leftovers, ready meals and ice cream and she still hasn't quite managed to shake the feeling that she's looking into someone else's kitchen. In a way, she is – they might live here together, but the kitchen is definitely more Kotone's domain than it is Ai's. ]
Karaage sounds good, though... it's supposed to be good for giving you some energy at the end of the day, right? [ she has no idea if that's actually true, but she sure said it in some advertisement or other once ] Maybe some salad for a side dish? I don't even know what veggies we have, but...
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No faiiiir teaming up with the twins, you're the one with their food... poor Kotone can't compete against their mama, you know? [ kotone cracks up a little, though, nodding. ]
Yeah, protein's good for that. And... I think we can make a salad work, sure? Lessee... [ she glances into the door of the fridge and pulls a couple of bottles and a carton of eggs from the main shelves, crouching to examine the crisper drawer. ] Daikon, shiso, mustard greens, lemon... I bought some umeboshi last week, where'd that go...? Oh, there we go, luckyyyy!
[ more humming, bopping a little on her feet as she heads back over to the counter. she pulls her phone, tapping a few times before city pop starts humming from a speaker set out of the way. as much as ai might feel strange about this being less her domain, having this feeling of—contribution, she guesses? to what ai's trying to build here does wonders to keep her mind off of the greater worries at play. if only for a little while, anyway. she washes her hands, pulls an apron from the hook, and sets to work, buzzing here and there in the kitchen for flour, breadcrumbs, knives, two separate cutting boards, bowls, a whisk, the mandolin, oil, the dutch oven, paper towels, a cooling rack— ]
It'll be about half an hour? You're not in the way, if you wanna hang out in here. Who knows, might learn something, right? [ a wink and a grin ai's way, rocking on her heels before she turns and starts chopping. ]
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It's nice, somehow. ]
You've sure got a lot of faith in me. I learn quick, but even I'm not that good. [ especially not when it comes to the kitchen...
She does give Aqua a little smile though and bounces him on her shoulder. ] You hear that, Aqua? We're gonna get an up close and personal demonstration from Chef Kotone. [ Then suddenly, she grins. ] No, even better–
[ She looks around for a moment – you just know Ai has no idea where any of the utensils in this kitchen usually are – before snatching up a spare whisk and holding it up so she can speak into it like a microphone. ]
This is Ai from B-Komachi and her trusty boy genius companion Hoshino Aqua here live with world famous gourmet chef, Shiomi Kotone! Any words for the audience watching along at home, Shiomi-san?
[ She directs the 'microphone' over to Kotone, with her eyes sparkling. Play with her in this space!! ]
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and then ai does that. it's a commitment to the bit that kotone honestly isn't expecting, especially in ai's "off" hours, and she can't help but burst out laughing—genuinely for once—doubling over slightly and raising a hand in front of her mouth. ]
Sorry, sorry, just—okay. I'm good, I'm good— [ she takes a second to get it out of her system, those bright red eyes shining as she takes a deep breath. ] Hiii, good morning, everyone at home, today we'll be showing you how to make karaage! Our side dish is a simple izakaya-style daikon salad with an ume-ponzu dressing...
[ she gestures to each area of her work in turn as she speaks. ]
Now, I've got a little homemade yuzupon I'll be using in our dressing this time, but bottled ponzu is suuuper okay for this too! Since we'll be adding to it anyway... ah, but we can't do much with the salad right now until our veggies are done soaking, so why don't we focus on the chicken, huh?
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Of course not. ]
I see, I see! So Shiomi-san's a natural on the camera as well as in the kitchen! Very impressive! What's your thoughts, boy genius companion?
[ Aqua burbles something definitely comprehendible into the microphone and Ai takes over with enthusiasm. ]
Excellent question! What will we be doing with the chicken?
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Wellll, since Aqua-kun asked. We'll be breading and frying it! We have vegetable oil going in our dutch oven there— [ a gesture to the stove— ] and getting them ready is sooo simple. We've got our marinated chunks of chicken, and we're gonna... dredge em in flour, [ she demonstrates with one piece as she goes, ] dip 'em in our egg wash, [ and again, ] and finally, cover 'em in breadcrumbs. You can season these however you want, too. [ aaaand there's one piece of chicken ready to fry! she repeats the process until the whole container's prepped, then dips a chopstick in the oil, humming and nodding at the bubbles that come up around it. ]
So we'll get these in the oil—Ai, step back, seriously— [ the oil doesn't spatter much at all when the food starts going in, mercifully, but still. the bit slips for a second all the same. ] and once they're golden-brown, they're ready! We'll do them in batches, about 90 seconds each time, then get them out with our skimmer and let them cool on this wire rack... [ she glances at the timer for the daikon and shuts it off with a few seconds to spare, pouring the water out of the bowl before she turns her attention back to the chicken. ]
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It's... fun. Not the sort of fun she thought she'd be having after the twins were born. But still. ]
A well-oiled machine! [ She nods enthusiastically in approval, then– ] Right, Aqua? Isn't Shiomi-san suuuuuper impressive?
[ She nods a few more times, enough for Aqua to get the picture and nod along with her. That's her boy genius. ]
There you have it! There's no arguing with our boy genius companion, huh? Would you say this is a recipe simple enough for everyone at home to follow along with?
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but this is different. it's using the idol mode as a way to... layer what they're doing, to enhance the simple fun of all of this. it's almost easy to forget the weight of the outside world, for a moment. she huffs another laugh, eyes bright as she watches ai and aqua before looking back to her work. ]
Aww, Ai-san, you're both too kind! Especially youuu, Aqua-kun. [ still smiling. god damn it. ] And mmhmm, I think so! At least, it'll carry you through frying something... [ and hey, frying is intimidating to do. kotone rocks on her heels, starting to pull golden, still-dripping karaage out with the skimmer and set it aside on the rack to cool and dry. the process doesn't take long at all, with how quickly the oil cooks them through. she turns off the stove and shifts the pot to a cooler eye. ]
Aaaand that's our karaage. Now... [ she takes a breath, heading back to the cutting boards. ] Here's the easy part? Our daikon's ready, and we've got these shiso and mizuna... so we'll just prep our greens like this... [ five cm lengths of mizuna, chiffonading the shiso, and adding them to the bowl with the daikon. ] Aaaand we'll cut the seed out of this umeboshi, then mince it up and mix it into our yuzupon for a dressing. And we're done! [ kotone grins, turning to look at ai properly as she starts moving things to the sink. ]
Make yourself a plate, if you want?
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[ which says a whole lot more about her cooking than it does anything else.
Some of the sparkle fades – or rather, her radiance dims back to its usual levels and she settles Aqua back onto her shoulder more comfortably. She'd been dialling it up before and making a whole production of it but now with all that dazzling light dimmed, her smile takes on a more honest shape. ]
It really does look super good, you know. And it smells even better! You wouldn't think something that's just chicken and a couple things on top would be so tasty, huh?
[ She titters to herself and starts making her way back over to the living room. ]
You can go ahead and eat first if you want! Now Aqua's had some food, it's time for him to go down and take a little nap with Ruby too.
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oh, fuck.
no. no, no, this is a problem, right? kotone wants to push back a little, to say no, i'll wait, get him set down, it's okay, but what would her reason for that be? what good would that do her? she wants to eat dinner together with her, but suddenly, she doesn't trust her motivations. she catches herself staring downwards with her back towards ai, hands splayed on the counter next to the sink.
what would saitou and miyako say? what would ai say? she's never made a secret of her preferences, really, but a weight settles in her stomach. that can't be what she's feeling. better to strangle that emotion before it poisons everything around her. finally, she realizes she's been quiet far too long. the cheer in her voice is brittle, now, when she finally speaks, and she turns on the faucet just a little too hard as she starts to busy herself. ]
No, uh—it's okay, really! I'll handle some of the dishes and set the table. If he's not asleep in about ten minutes, I'll go ahead and start eating, okay?
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Ooh, am I keeping my boy genius awake? My bad, my bad...
[ She carries him through and settles him into the crib beside Ruby, still dozing away after her own feed. It takes a few minutes of soothing for him to finally sleep himself and while he does, she lets herself mull things over. Coming home from school and looking after Ai and the twins must be tiring, right? Maybe she's taking it for granted — or worse, she's taking Kotone herself for granted. How does she fix that?
Once both the twins are off to sleep, Ai drifts back to the kitchen, hitching her usual smile back on as best she can. ]
Alright, they're both recharging...! I didn't keep you hanging on, did I?
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everything's plated on the kitchen's bar, two places set next to one another. chicken, salad, tea, utensils, and glasses of ice water. kotone takes a breath, looking up and doing her best to mirror ai's efforts at a smile... then after a beat, lets it drop. what's the point in the mask, right now? ]
No, no, you're just in time. C'mere. [ she gestures to the seat next to her, offering a very slight smile. she is glad to see her, glad to get to share this moment with her. there's no hiding that. ]
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But of course, she's smiling away as she takes her seat next to Kotone, like the concern hadn't passed through her mind at all. ]
Ooh, the way you laid it all out, it looks even tastier than it already smelled. I know music's your thing but if you ever decided you wanted to run a restaurant, I bet you'd seriously kill it!
[ She gives Kotone a wink — because she really cannot turn that kind of thing off even if she tries — and plucks her chopsticks from beside her plate. ]
... Thanks, though. Seriously. I know you said you did a bunch of prep at the weekend, but it must be a pain that I can't do this kind of thing when you're at school.
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she picks up a piece of chicken, trying it with a pleased hum, before dipping it in the sauce on her plate and finishing it with another bite. ]
It's really okay. I'd be doing this even if I was living alone, I think? And I know you're crazy busy as it is, so... I dunno. [ a breath, avoiding eye contact as she focuses on her food. yeah, there's her excuse. a sip of tea, a bite of salad, as she considers. ] I just wanna be here for you, Ai. We've... both dealt with a lot, so...
[ none of what she's saying is quite right. it's not quite enough. but it's not a lie, either. ]
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Was she always this bad at talking with Kotone face to face back when they were young? There's no way, right? So what changed?
She swallows and makes herself go back to her food before she speaks. ]
Then it should go both ways, shouldn't it? If we've both dealt with a lot, then we should be looking out for each other.
[ Ah. That sounded a bit too heavy, so she makes herself laugh, like she can trick the mood into being lighter by pretending it already is. ]
Maybe I'll start taking cooking lessons! Then I can cook you up a whole gourmet meal whenever you get home.
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kotone swallows, still looking at nothing in particular. she manages to keep using her chopsticks, but her free hand grips a handful of her own skirt as she lowers her head. ai's gone far enough for her already, further than she ever could have asked for. a breath, and the mask is back on. ]
Come on, you have enough to worry about, right? [ it sounds nice. ] It's really okay. I'm not really in the industry for real yet, [ but i'm nobody. ] and if I'm not keeping busy, I don't know what to do with myself, haha! [ i have to show you that i can do this. i can't let saitou regret it. i can't let you regret it.
the mask cracks, and kotone takes a deep, shaky breath. she's never been able to fool ai, even if they can't always read each other in the details. but she has to try anyway. even if she's just clinging to the last scraps.
it had been a nice evening, and she's ruined it, hasn't she? stupid, stupid— ]
So, just... leave it to me, okay? [ please don't make me a burden. ]
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Maybe Kotone's different, sure. Maybe Ai's got it all wrong. But she doesn't feel great banking on a maybe. ]
Kotone-chan.
[ Ai sets down her chopsticks and turns in her seat. Her voice is firmer and lower than it usually is; not lacking warmth at all but no-nonsense. ]
Can you turn and look at me properly?
[ So we can talk for real. ]
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finally, she nods, placing her own chopsticks down, turning in her seat to face the girl next to her. ]
... Seems so, yeah...? [ despite the mood, and the strain in her voice, her own stupid line has her cracking up ever so slightly as she says it. it's hard to stay entirely caught in her own head, when ai's trying to connect with her. ]
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[ One corner of her mouth tugs up but she can't even manage a half-hearted laugh when Kotone sounds so strained.
Her hands curl into fists. She feels like she should reach out and take Kotone's hand or something like that but would that be a bit much? Would she be keeping her trapped in a conversation she doesn't want to be having?
After a moment of clear hesitation, she reaches out and carefully sets a hand on Kotone's knee. ]
You know I'm really glad to have you here, right? With me and Aqua and Ruby. It'd be way too lonely without you living here too.
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Ai... [ she tries to find the right words. tries to dig deep for how to handle this. ] ... I'm... really glad to be here, too. Believe it or not, I don't think I've ever been this happy? I just... I mean, you remember how it was. You and the others aren't like that, but... [ don't make too many waves. give them a reason to want you around. the things you learn to survive stick with you. she weaves a hand back through her own hair, trying to dispel her nerves, before meeting ai's gaze again.
only one way through this, she thinks. her own hand settles on ai's knee in return, and she goes silent for a moment, staying close.
her voice is quiet, when she speaks again. just for the two of them. like breaking this silence feels somehow wrong. ]
... Hey, Ai. Since it's just us... can I try something? [ she catches her eyes flicking down towards ai's lips. it doesn't have to mean anything. if it isn't good, for whatever reason, then they can pretend what comes next never happened. ]
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Her chest constricts a little. For a horrible, ugly moment she feels just a little jealous. Even at a time like this, she can't ever really be honest like that. Even now, when Ai had been the one to try and push this talk, she's still thinking of what pretty lies she can tell to make it all go away.
She swallows hard and chases that bitterness back down into her stomach. No. It's not Kotone's fault she's like this. ]
Mm. [ She says that with a little nod. She doesn't really trust her voice right now. ] You can. ... Since it's just us.
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tagging back two months later to basically just end the thread. idk either